The Answer

So, I'm working through some stuff lately, right?  As a result of 2 years of Living Waters and my time with Maureen, I'm realizing just how much darkness and sin is in the world.  And it scares me.  With the kind of work I do, I read about all of the stuff that happens to people and most of it is not good.  In fact, I sometimes have nightmares about the damage people inflict on one another.

There is a scene in the movie "Ghost" that paints it pretty clearly for me.  Its at the end when Sam faces Karl, the best friend who brought about his death.  His greed for power and money killed Sam.  After Karl is killed and his ghost is face to face with Sam, the darkness that was in Karl's heart comes alive and creeps up on him.  The scene where Karl is captured then dragged into the black by the moaning, groaning shadows has become my image of the sin and death that plague this earth.

I hate Satan.  I hate that he has enough power to tempt good people to do bad things.  I hate that children and animals fall prey to some sick and broken people.  I hate that he tries to get into my head and tell me that I am not worth loving, that I am not thin enough or good enough for anyone.  I hate that he thinks he is better than God.  he has no love in his heart, only greed and jealousy and anger.

When I talked with my counselor today, I mentioned my last blog, about all of the hate that coursed through me as a result of my time with Maureen.  I am supposed to be preparing to say goodbye to her when I go to CA in a few weeks but I am too busy being angry at her right now.  I also told her about the image of darkness I now have and how I want God to save the world from it.  I was afraid.  I think it scared her a little.  She extended her hand to me to pull me out of the darkness that was, at that moment, twisting my thoughts and causing chaos in my head.  The anger and hatred I have been feeling lately was being used against me, to slowly and subtly drag me into the shadows.  You see, if we are to be like our Father, we are to love, to forgive and to give mercy.  I've been so blinded by my feelings that I was losing sight of that.  Her fear was that I would become bitter and his prey.

A very dear friend of mine recently blogged about how critical or judgmental people can be and that she was going to counter that by being more loving, more like Jesus.  What a beautiful thought.

Love.  That is the answer.  Jesus loved everyone He met.  He loved the sinners even more.  And that's what we are called to do because God is love.  I know I won't be perfect right off the bat but I will try and try again.  And if I keep singing about love then maybe my heart will soften enough to say good bye to Maureen when the time is right.