It has been two weeks since I've blogged. Wow. And while I have a lot to say about the past 2 weeks, I will only be able to give Reader's Digest versions or even just snippets to elaborate on later.
Last Saturday, I hosted 2 college girls from Skagit. They are attending a week long conference at my church which will teach them to become better disciples of Christ. How could I say "no" to that? This will be my 3rd year and I had high hopes for a wonderful experience. You see, the 2 students that I hosted last year were amazing. We bonded almost instantly and I loved having them in my home. They were faith-filled, loving, giving Christian women who inspired me to be better, try harder, do more. Unfortunately, that was not the case this year as the two students slung closely to each other almost to the point of sharing a bedroom instead of having their own room. I needed to pray for grace to accept where they were which did not include me. It was awkward and, sadly, I admit I am happy they are gone. I'm sure having them around touched a few triggers for me and I need to identify those so I can release them. Later, of course.
My trip across "the pond" is just over a month away. I have been frantically working out so as to not keep the plane from taking off because of my weight. I know I wouldn't but I still feel like a great big fat unworthy girl that I believed I was for so long. Looking for cute clothes to take with me really sucks. Let me say that again - it REALLY sucks. And I have to bring a bathing suit and a dress, too? Oh no.
As for my dating life, it is non-existent still. But God is still working on me and I am not ready. I trust Him to provide someone for me. I just hope its soon. I'm not getting any younger, after all!
I am at a living waters conference this weekend, led by founder Andy Comiskey. He is not what I had pictures. Neither is his wife. They are both very entertaining, however, and I am learning new things. But its not the new things that I am taken by. Its the old things that I still struggle with that spins my head. They are a constant reminder of my need for God's grace and forgiveness. They remind me that I am nothing without God's mercy and love. They are indicators that point me in the direction that I need to walk, which is toward the cross, asking for help. I learned that its ok to fall as long as I fall forward. Hmmm. As the discussions lead to honoring men, I found I was guilty of heaping onto the male gender's burden of not knowing what to do anymore or how to act. I find I'm unsure of how to treat a man after witnessing my parent's relationship. I know its not supposed to be controlling or manipulative or demeaning but I'm afraid I know no other way. And that scares me.
I am happy to have had God sing over me during the blessing of the women. "I am with you. I named you. I call you Beloved. I love you. You are mine." I am still a work in progress and my journey is long and fraught with opportunities to confess my sin, my weakness, my need.
To be continued...
Sun setting In Cuzco, Peru
