It sucks... but I'm trying to succumb to the idea that I will need to be on meds for the rest of my life.
I don't like the idea of this but, as one who needs glasses to see, it is necessary if I want to feel human.
I often forget how dark my days become when my serotonin levels are low. Its scary.
I was told that 10% of the population suffers from clinical depression and I am among them. But I should be thankful I am not among the % of people who suffer from worse ailments. And, on good days, I am, however, until my meds kick back in, it stinks and I don't like it at all.
Sun setting In Cuzco, Peru
October 30, 2011
October 2, 2011
Venting with a venti
As I sit in my local coffee shop, sipping a large cup of coffee and feeling the need to blog, all I want to do is vent. I hate that thought but I think its what I need to do. Its like the times when women are overcome with emotion and need to have a really good cry. This is my really good cry without the tears.
1- I went to Costco yesterday afternoon and it was a madhouse. Canadians were everywhere, cutting people off in the parking lot, parking their carts in the aisles, taking all of the milk. They lack consideration for those of us who have to live in the city where they leave their clothes that they discarded for the new things they just bought. That just annoys the heck outta me.
2- I gal I know, who recently divorced her husband, went on yet another date with a guy she recently met. I haven't had a date in over 3 years and she goes from husband to boyfriend in a blink. I'm so annoyed with that.
3- I went back to Weight Watchers because my weight hasn't changed since our fitness competition weigh out yet my clothes aren't fitting. I'm eating cleaner than ever but my body isn't responding. Yet, all around me are people who have horrible eating habits and stay the same. Why does this annoy me? I don't know.
4- I recently met a man who has a lot of potential. Rather than accepting him for who he is, I have been picking apart his faults and issues. Instead of see the good in him, I have allowed myself to be annoyed with his shortcomings. So much about him bothers me but I can't say why.
5- In Crossfit, I was working on setting a PR in squats. I squatted the heaviest weight I have ever done and was pretty proud of myself until a woman in class said, "You can almost squat as much as me." Man, did that annoy me... and still does.
Ironically, today at mass, Fr QuiTac (pronounced: qwee-tak) gave a sermon on a very similar topic which left me with a lot to think about. He said people can become frustrated with other people but it is still our job to love them. "Love the sinner but hate the sin." What does this have to do with my current state of frustration? Everything.... of course. I hate to admit it but I have not been a very loving person lately, especially to myself. I am letting anger, jealousy and envy back into my heart and it isn't healthy. I was in that place once, not so long ago. It wasn't a good place to be. The issues I wrote above all come back to my issue with myself. I realize that now but its a bitter pill to swallow.
As we got into Fall, I need to withdraw, regroup and be restored thru Christ. That is no easy task but I know with time and prayer, I will emerge like a rainbow after the rain. There is no other option.
1- I went to Costco yesterday afternoon and it was a madhouse. Canadians were everywhere, cutting people off in the parking lot, parking their carts in the aisles, taking all of the milk. They lack consideration for those of us who have to live in the city where they leave their clothes that they discarded for the new things they just bought. That just annoys the heck outta me.
2- I gal I know, who recently divorced her husband, went on yet another date with a guy she recently met. I haven't had a date in over 3 years and she goes from husband to boyfriend in a blink. I'm so annoyed with that.
3- I went back to Weight Watchers because my weight hasn't changed since our fitness competition weigh out yet my clothes aren't fitting. I'm eating cleaner than ever but my body isn't responding. Yet, all around me are people who have horrible eating habits and stay the same. Why does this annoy me? I don't know.
4- I recently met a man who has a lot of potential. Rather than accepting him for who he is, I have been picking apart his faults and issues. Instead of see the good in him, I have allowed myself to be annoyed with his shortcomings. So much about him bothers me but I can't say why.
5- In Crossfit, I was working on setting a PR in squats. I squatted the heaviest weight I have ever done and was pretty proud of myself until a woman in class said, "You can almost squat as much as me." Man, did that annoy me... and still does.
Ironically, today at mass, Fr QuiTac (pronounced: qwee-tak) gave a sermon on a very similar topic which left me with a lot to think about. He said people can become frustrated with other people but it is still our job to love them. "Love the sinner but hate the sin." What does this have to do with my current state of frustration? Everything.... of course. I hate to admit it but I have not been a very loving person lately, especially to myself. I am letting anger, jealousy and envy back into my heart and it isn't healthy. I was in that place once, not so long ago. It wasn't a good place to be. The issues I wrote above all come back to my issue with myself. I realize that now but its a bitter pill to swallow.
As we got into Fall, I need to withdraw, regroup and be restored thru Christ. That is no easy task but I know with time and prayer, I will emerge like a rainbow after the rain. There is no other option.
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