Ending 2013

Hard to believe that this year is almost over. Yes, another year gone and I am still single! Ugh!!  True, I had the chance to be in a relationship but when a person tells you that you are not what he wants, believe it.  Even if he calls or writes later and wants to "move forward" regardless, don't do it. That's just madness. 

While I wish I had met a good man this year, I'm still a work in progress.  Anxities were unusually high at Thanksgiving and desperation ran amok in my head. Thankfully, it went nowhere. Praise God for loving me enough to keep me out of dead ends. 

Praise be for good friends who laugh at my insanity and love me anyway.  And for the extra special people in my life who let me vent without ceasing as they listen without judging. Praise be for those who tell it like it is with nothing but love in their hearts and for those I trust with my life. Praises for those who are quick to volunteer their help in projects I have no business tackling and for being taken into another's family.  

Its ok that I'm not seeing anyone. I know when the time is right, he will find me and it will be good. No games, no hurtful sarcasm, no bad hygiene, no compromise. Until then, I grow one step closer to earning my grown up status. So far gone yet so far to go. 

As this year comes to a close, I have decided my buzz word for 2014 is LOVE.  It seems like the natural choice considering the previous two. And maybe its time.

Life's Lessons in Little Moments

At 45 years of age,  you'd think I would have learned all I'd need to learn for my life.  That is not the case as I've come to realize over the past week alone.

My friend has 4 kids who I watch on occasion. I love them all. Lately, I've been spending time with her 3 year old who is smart beyond her years and just as sassy. She says things that make me shake my head, wondering how a little thing like her can be capable of such big thoughts. She never ceases to amaze me.

I was off work last Monday, getting much needed things taken care of.  I ran into my friend and her daughter at the park.  "Little" wanted to come to my house and "party".  Is it ok, my friend asks.  Of course its ok. So, my plans of intense house work were altered slightly but I roll with it.  After 6 hours of the whys and whats and can I's, I was worn out by the time she goes home.  In addition, she asked to watch a DVD while she ate. I made the mistake of letting her watch on my laptop and she ended up spilling milk on/in it.  Urgh.  It stopped working and didn't kick on for 12 hours.  Even now, some of the letters will stick. But, it works and gets me by.  Thankfully, I have no midterms or theses  to write.

Being with her that day showed me how much I had grown over the years. Having been raised by a temperamental parent, I grew up to be very impatient and heavy handed. Any mistake made by another would incite anger. That was all I knew as a child. As much as I thought I wanted children in my 20s, I whole-heartedly believe that I would not have been a good, loving, unconditional parent. Worse, I would have raised my kids the way I was raised and that thought alone scares me. I know that I will not likely ever have my own children so I am thankful for those God puts in my life.

Another "Aha!" moment came today when I was at Ed Hook's house.  Ed is an elderly widowed neighbor. He is a good and godly man who is alone. He stopped by one night to chat with me recently and mentioned looking for a cleaning woman for 2 hours a week @ 10/hr. I assumed he was offering that to me so I accepted, without pay. Chalk it up to being a labor of love.  He is very grateful for my time there.  Like I told him, if I knew my dad lived alone and so far from me, I'd be happy knowing there was someone who kept an eye on him.  So, that is my job with Ed. And I do it gladly.

Today, when I was at his house, I realized that if I were married, the chances of me having the time to do this would be nil. I probably wouldn't have thought of it, to be honest. Not that a husband would be all-consuming but that my focus would be on him, our life together and our home but I don't know how Ed would've fit into that equation.

In being single, I am able to be "auntie Susie" to the Millers or Ed's cleaning lady. Just think of all of the precious moments I would have missed had my life taken a different path. The thought really boggles my mind yet offers even more proof that I am where I am meant to be. Praise God!

James 1:2 - "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

As if it were written for me...

The blog is called gracefortheroad.com and the entry is I don't wait anymore. Preach on, dear blogger! Preach on.


When I was 16, I got a purity ring.  And when I was 25, I took it off.
I didn’t tell anyone I was doing it — it wasn’t a statement or an emotional thing. I just slipped it off my finger that day and, before tucking it away in a box, ran my finger around the words on the familiar gold band.
“True Love Waits.” Waits.
What’s it “waiting” for, anyway?
*****
I had my reasons for deciding not to wear it anymore. Other people might have other reasons. It’s a graveyard of hearts, this place where single church girls crash into their late 20s and early 30s. Churches see the symptoms. They scramble to reach out to the ever-growing young adult singles crowd who feels alienated by family-oriented services.
But there’s something bigger behind it than that.
Much bigger.
There are a lot of girls out there who don’t know who God is anymore – the God of their youth group years just isn’t working out. Back then, that God said to wait for sex until they are married, until He brings the right man along for a husband. They signed a card and put it on the altar and pledged to wait.
And wait they did.
*****
And waited and waited and waited.
Some of them have prayed their whole lives for a husband, and he hasn’t shown up. They’ve heard the advice to “be the woman God made you to be, focus on that, and then the husband will come.” They’ve read “Lady in Waiting,” gotten super involved in church and honed their domestic skills.
And still they wait.
More than a decade ago, a youth leader handed them a photocopied poem in Sunday School written to them from “God” that said, “The reason you don’t have anyone yet is because you’re not fully satisfied in Me. You have to be satisfied with Me and then when you least expect it, I’ll bring you the person I meant for you.”
And the girls see it posted on their bulletin boards from time to time.
“You’re right, God,” they say. “We’re not satisfied in you yet. We will put you first and then you can bring us a husband in your timing.”
But many of them – if they’re honest – will tell you that time has passed, and it’s wrecking their view of God.
If this is who God’s supposed to be, then He’s tragically late.
So some decide to chuck “Lady in Waiting” out the window … and possibly their virginity with it. Church goes next. God might go next, too. If He doesn’t answer these prayers after they’ve held up their end of the bargain, why would He answer any others?
Whether it was the fault of the leaders, the fault of us girls, or both, a tragedy happened back then.
A lot of girls were sold on a deal and not on a Savior.
*****
I had that poem on my bulletin board all through high school – the one where “God” was telling me to fall in love with Him first and then I would be able to fall in love with a husband later.
Who wrote that poem anyway?
Pretty sure it wasn’t God.
When Jesus was here on the earth, the crowds would follow Him because they saw He gave good things. But that’s not what He wanted. He wanted their hearts for Himself. So He would turn to them and say things like, “If you don’t love Me so much that every other relationship in your life looks like hate by comparison, you can’t follow Me.” (Matthew 10:34-39, paraphrase)
That sounds a lot different from the poem.
Christ is the source of everything we need and the giver of all good gifts … but in telling people about Him, it’s possible we’ve sold them on a solution for life’s problems and not life itself.
What if we as girls had learned early on that having Him was everything, not a means to the life we think He would want us to have.
If we had learned we don’t abstain from sex because we’re “waiting.” We abstain because we love Him.
If I’d had on my bulletin board, “Fall in love with Jesus.” That’s it. Bottom line. That’s everything you need to know, to work toward, to put your hope in.
If I’d learned who He is, what He wants, how to give Him everything, not “wait” so that one day I could give my everything to someone else.
If I’d learned that it’s not bad to pray for a husband, but that my greater prayer should be for Him to spend my life as He chooses for His glory.
If we as believers make that our message, things could be drastically different for a lot of girls wondering why the God they think they learned to follow doesn’t compute. It doesn’t necessarily stop the desire for a husband or end all feelings of loneliness, but it does show a God who provides, loves and gives infinite purpose even to our singleness rather than a God who categorically denies some who pray for husbands while seemingly giving freely to others.
It shows that while marriage is good, He is the greater goal.
*****
Don’t think I’ve done this perfectly.
I’d be deceiving you if you thought that. I’ve had relationships where I made major mistakes. I’ve gone through angst-ridden phases where I met with friends to plead together with God to bring us husbands. I’ve planned major life decisions around possibilities.
I lived like I was waiting for something.
And that’s why I slipped off my ring that day. It wasn’t that I wanted to sleep with people – I haven’t. It wasn’t a slap to True Love Waits, or to anyone who wears a purity ring – saving sex for marriage is good and is His design.
I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here.
I already have Him … and He is everything.

A simple life

Maybe one has nothing to do with the other but it seems to me that as I age, I become more aware of bad news. Its everywhere. Its unavoidable.  TV news shows run and re-run stories ad nauseam. Internet search engines use a ticker for the headline of the day. Even radio gives a ten second blurb of the gloom and doom.  News of siblings shooting each other accidentally or weather related tragedies that claim many lives. News of kidnappings or tortures, rapes or murders. Abandoned children, abused animals... so much sadness.

There are days when I wish for simpler times, like when I was little and oblivious to world events. Yes, Vietnam was going on at that time but I was quite content playing with friends and dolls. The world didn't seem like such a bad place at that time. That worked for me. I miss the days of small towns and neighborhoods where everyone knew each other. I wish kids could play outside until dark without having to worry about being abducted. Or when leaving your windows open at night let only the cool breeze in and not a prowler.

Where is that fine line between living comfortably and living simply? Does it mean giving up electricity or the amenities that I've become so accustomed to? Could I exist on a few acres of land, growing my own food and making my own clothes? Are the times of Laura Ingalls Wilder what I long for or is there something more? What role does materialism play in the dark parts of life?

There has to be one common denominator to living a simple yet fulfilled life but what is it?  How do I find it? What does it look like? Does living in oblivion necessarily bring happiness?

More on this and on being polluted by the world...

Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion. — Mark Twain

Flags

I just finished reading a blog called The Art of Manliness.  Its actually a joint blog, written by a married couple and has advice in everything male.  One blog was a posting on red flags:
http://artofmanliness.com/2013/01/31/relationship-red-flags/

Reading it compelled me to think of all of the red flags I'd experienced yet pretended not to see. Big mistake.

In an effort to keep me honest and safe from more miserable relationships, here's my list.
1. Has no desire to get or be health.
2. The only liquid he drinks is alcohol.
3. Continues to use the "F" word even after being asked to stop.
4. Tells me I am (fill in the blank) when he clearly possesses those traits.
5. Out of the blue, he says he has no commitment issues. Several times.
6. Has ex-girlfriends who "need" him to help then get through life.
7. Hasn't lived alone (parents, girlfriend) for an extended period of time.
8. Little concern for personal hygiene.
9. Changes job frequently.
10. Uses bad language to talk about bosses because they never know what they are doing.
11. Talks about his exes issues, putting the blame on them.
12, Talking about his exes hotness or finer features.
13. Calling relatives derogatory names.
14. Not walking his talk, especially regarding his faith.
15. Says he can't be with you because of xxx yet has committed to staying.

Sadly, all of these flags belonged to one man. Oh, how I wish it were a comprehensive list. Then I wouldn't feel so bad about my decisions to date. But, life is about learning and I have learned a lot.
Thankfully, I continue to.