Kathleen's death

Mom called at 6:30 with the news - Kathleen was gone.  She had no details other than to say she was found in her room.  I was in shock. I am in shock. I can't believe that she is gone.  

My heart breaks for her mother, my sister, who was closest to her.  She was her friend and confidant. No two could be closer. I can't imagine how broken my sister must feel. It kills me to think about.

My heart breaks for her father, my brother in law, who loved her so much. He was her hero. She was his buddy. They had traveled to different states together just to ride roller coasters. 

My heart breaks for her grandmother, my mom who sits helpless in her wheel chair, unable to do anything. She is a powerless woman made more powerless by this situation which she couldn't control.

My heart breaks for my niece, her sister, who is now an only child. No two could be more opposite yet love each other still. 

Mostly, my heart aches unbearably for Kathleen who saw no way out of whatever predicament she was in. She was just 20 years old.  So wise yet so innocent, so free yet so tormented. What could have driven her to take her own life? It makes no sense. There was no note. There were no clues. There will not be any peace to come by this. So many questions and second guesses yet no answers. Only devastation and confusion left in the wake.