Can I validate you?

Unless you're in Seattle shopping, this isn't a question one hears very often.  But secretly, I think it is one many would like to be asked.  My answer would be "Yes, please and how."

It seems lately I have been so desperate for validation, confirmation that I'm ok.  Ever since the main source of validation left this earth, something has been obviously missing in my life.  Whenever I was weary, frantic, neurotic, anxious, doubtful or low, Maureen would always respond with, "Susie, you're ok."  And, somehow, just hearing that made me ok again.  And it wasn't that I was not ok but I needed to be reminded that I was.  Isn't that funny?  Its like wondering if I am loved or normal or alive.  Sometimes I just need to be reminded.

Last week, I received a great gift - confirmation that I am loved and ok.  I continue to struggle with Maureen's passing and all of the unanswered questions I was left with.  I questioned...no, doubted her love for me.  I doubted our friendship.  I vented my anger toward her for leaving me when she promised we would grow old together and raise our children to be best friends.  I am ashamed to admit that I even regretted our friendship, mostly out of anger and self pity.  That is, until last Friday when I finally had a conversation with her sister, Melissa.  She told me Maureen loved me.  This was confirmed in me when she mentioned finding a box filled with pictures of us from over the years and mementos, letters, trinkets, etc.  Melissa was surprised to find this treasure chest but said, "You really were her best friend."  And that made everything in me better. 

When I asked about Maureen's last days of life, I was sad to hear that she was reluctant to contact me because she feared I was freaked out from my time with her.  That broke my heart.  While that time was incredibly challenging and humbling, it, in no way, diminished my love for her.  I was angry about other things that I had hoped we would discuss at a later time, which never came.  Now, I have to live with the knowledge that I refused to contact her out of anger and left her to pass believing that she had scared me off.  I refused to validate her worth in my life because I was angry.  And, for that, I am so, so sorry.

I have learned a lot over the past five months.  There is truth is the saying, "Never let the sun set on your anger."  It also goes without saying that we need to cherish the people in our lives while we have them and that life is short so love with all your heart.  We know we are all validated through our Lord and Savior but it never hurts to hear hat we are loved, valuable and cherished by others.  Don't wait for tomorrow to do it for it is promised to no one.