For Auld Lang Syne

Today is the last day of 2010 and I can say with confidence that I will be happy to see it go.  It had been a challenging year for me, filled with so much sadness.

I know God taught me so much this year.  He has taken me out of my comfort zone, that's for sure.  With all of the financial decisions that had to be made as well as losing my two best friends, I realize just how much older and wiser I feel as a result.

Right now, I'm sitting in Starbucks, drinking a pumpkin spice latte.  It was a drink Maureen and I favored and would share a cup over the phone on our "date nights".  As I sip, I know it tastes different and I can't help but wonder if that is because I am different as a result of her passing. I find nothing in it to savor, no sense of familiarity, no comfort,  Its just a drink.  And that reality makes me sad.

But its time to say good bye - to pumpkin spice lattes, to best friends, to sorrow.  A new day is on the horizon and I must be there to greet it.  2011 holds infinite possibilities and opportunities for me, if I am willing to reach for them.  I can't do that if I am stuck in the past, stuck in my grief over what was or could have been.  This is my love letter to the ones who loved me so unconditionally.  This is my good bye to Maureen and Missy.  My heart continues to break but I will leave my sadness at the doorstep of 2010, ready to embrace a new year and a new beginning:


My precious friends,
My heart has become shards of glass.  My tears are streams that flow into rivers.  My sadness is deafening.  But your suffering is over, your pain is gone.  I look for comfort in that and in knowing you are in heaven, watching over me, loving me, rejoicing over the life that is to come for me.  How blessed I was to have you.  You painted the canvas of my life so brilliantly with your rainbow colors.   I hold on to the hope that you went away to make room for what's to come.  I know you will share in my future, staying close to me in heart and spirit.  What a gift to have had your friendship for so long.  I am so thankful for our time together. 

(The song that is sung every New Years Eve is based on a Scottish poem of the same name)   

"Should Old Acquaintance be forgot, and never thought upon;
The flames of Love extinguished, and fully past and gone:
Is thy sweet Heart now grown so cold, that loving Breast of thine;
That thou canst never once reflect on Old long syne.

My Heart is ravisht with delight, when thee I think upon;
All Grief and Sorrow takes the flight, and speedily is gone;
The bright resemblance of thy Face, so fills this Heart of mine;
That Force nor Fate can me displease for Old long syne.

Since thoughts of thee doth banish grief, when from thee I am gone;
will not thy presence yield relief, to this sad Heart of mine:
Why doth thy presence me defeat, with excellence divine?
Especially when I reflect on Old long syne."