I'm Fine. How are you?

Everyone has pet peeves.  My latest one is when you ask someone "How are you?" and their immediate response is, "I'm fine!  How are you?" without even taking the time to think about the question.  Yes, I'm guilty of it too but I'm working on it.  Why do we do that?  Is it too hard to be honest and say "I'm not doing so good today."?  Have we as a society gotten to the point where we're too busy to care about each other?  Or do we try really, really hard to keep others at arm's length?

In the beginning, God created man and woman.  He created them to bond with Him and with each other.  But sin shattered that bond and relationships have never been the same.  Its probably safe to assume that since that time, people have searched for a way to bond with each other and with God.
Why is bonding so hard?  Revealing your inner most self to a person can't be that bad, can it?

Actually, the idea of being completely vulnerable to another is scary.  I have a good friend who is being pursued by a Christian man.  Not pursued in the stalking sense but in the way that is right - with time, honesty and transparency.  And rather than throwing herself into this one, she is allowing her heart to be pursued.  And it scares the stuffing out of her.  Like me, she has done all of the work in her relationships, doing what it takes to keep them going.  She is learning, however, to let him take the reins and it is a good thing.

Being vulnerable means allowing someone to see all of you, not just the happy face we paint on our masks then hide behind.  Not just the "I'm fine" mentality.  Vulnerability is real, raw, honest.  Its about showing the one person who loves and accepts us who we really are, without make up or masks.  If its done in a healthy way, its possible to show sadness, anger, frustration and disappointment.  Its the kind of relationship God wants to have with us.

I am surprised at the way grief has taken over me recently.  It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, when I need to cry there is no stopping it, no matter how hard I try.  Last night, I was in yoga class when I was overcome with sadness.  I was in a pose when I started to cry and couldn't stop.  I cleaned up my spot and apologized to my wonderful teacher who comforted me with a hug.  Later, I met a friend for wine and chat time and was able to share my grief experience with her.  My friend said it was good that I felt comfortable enough to let my emotions flow.  I hadn't considered that but it was true.  Yoga teacher Katie is among the most compassionate, caring people I know and I allowed myself to be vulnerable in front of her.  I like that.

I believe life is about seasons and each of us must pass through winter to get to spring.  I believe God uses events in our lives to teach us how to feel with an open heart, to love like Him, forgive unconditionally and give grace and mercy to those who need it.  I believe we were created to feel in the same way our Lord felt every emotion during His short time on earth.  These are the things that make us human, that bring us together and allow us to relate to each other.  If we can put down our guards and be real with each other, the sky will still be blue (unless you're in L.A), babies laughter will still be among the most beautiful sounds and flowers will bloom in their time.  In other words, what do we have to lose?  The only thing that will change will be us and it would be a very good thing.

In the meantime, I will continue to sit in this valley of darkness, with Jesus beside me, knowing that it serves a purpose and that spring is only a few months away.  And I will be fine.